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Beautiful December

Now, when the garden awaits the return of spring
Now, when the silence is deep and blue
Now, when the winter has cast her spell again
Beautiful December, Beautiful December

Here, where the snow is as soft as a woolly lamb
Here, where the nightfall is deep and blue,
Here, where the stars are so bright, you reach for them
Beautiful December, Beautiful December

Child, may you sleep in gentle peace tonight
Dream of songs that rise on silken wings!
When you wake, enchanted by the snowspun light
Sing the songs that came to you in dreams,
Your beautiful December dreams
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Philosophy jokes

LynneLynne Your TeacherHomePosts: 9,656 mod
René Descartes went into a sandwich bar and asked for a chicken sandwich on white bread.

The girl at the counter said, "Oh I'm sorry, we haven't got any chicken and we haven't got any white bread. Would turkey on wholemeal bread do?"

Descartes huffed and replied, "I think not!" and disappeared into thin air.

Comments

  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Lynne, a good one. :) :) :)
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: ``My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.''

    The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: ``Do you like potato pancakes?'' She says ``No,'' and the silence returns.

    After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, ``Do you have a brother?'' Again, the girl says ``No'' and there is silence once again.

    The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: ``If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?''
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @Xanthippe ;)

    The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
    The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.
    "In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is."
    "And have you found an answer?"
    "Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."
    "That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"
    "Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    Two freshman philosophy students see the following bulletin posted on the wall of their lecture hall:



    Neither of them knows what it means and they are both curious. The pair decide to find the professor and ask some questions. When they locate the professor's office, the bolder of the two enter the building while the other remains outside.
    Student: "Uh...Sir..What does Crash Course in Logical Assumptions mean?"
    Professor: "Well, it involves taking information that you have, forming assumptions using logic, and then creating new information. Let me try to answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
    Student: "Uh...Yes, I do."

    Professor: "Well, then I can now logically assume that you drive."
    Student: "Yes, I drive. "

    Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you drive on weekends."
    Student: "Yeah, I drive on weekends, I go out on dates."

    Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you have date partners."
    Student: "Well, yes, I have a girlfriend."

    Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you are heterosexual."
    Student: "Uh...hell yes! OK, I think I understand what this course is about now. Thanks a lot for your time."

    Once back outside, his friend asks him: "So, what's it all about?"
    "Its about using information and stuff...Let me answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
    "No."
    "Uh...Then you're homosexual, dude!"
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."
    So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

    Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades...and to the amazement of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

    His answer to the question: "What chair?"
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Bubbly, was he Kant? ;)
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @Xanthippe Have you ever met Kant? ;)
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Well, it is not impossible if you have read "Master and Margarita." ;)
  • VahninVahnin Posts: 81 ✭✭
    so I conclude that it is possible for those who haven't read this book , right?
  • VahninVahnin Posts: 81 ✭✭
    "Descartes huffed and replied, "I think not!" and disappeared into thin air."

    Oops! It looks like I am the only person who hasn't uderstood Lynne's joke
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Bubbly
    'But might I enquire,' began the visitor from abroad after some
    worried reflection, ' how you account for the proofs of the existence of
    God, of which there are, as you know, five? '
    'Alas! ' replied Berlioz regretfully. ' Not one of these proofs is
    valid, and mankind has long since relegated them to the archives. You must
    agree that rationally there can be no proof of the existence of God.'
    'Bravo!' exclaimed the stranger. ' Bravo! You have exactly repeated
    the views of the immortal Emmanuel on that subject. But here's the oddity of
    it: he completely demolished all five proofs and then, as though to deride
    his own efforts, he formulated a sixth proof of his own.'
    'Kant's proof,' objected the learned editor with a thin smile, ' is
    also unconvincing. Not for nothing did Schiller say that Kant's reasoning on
    this question would only satisfy slaves, and Strauss simply laughed at his
    proof.'
    As Berlioz spoke he thought to himself: ' But who on earth is he? And
    how does he speak such good Russian? '
    'Kant ought to be arrested and given three years in Solovki asylum for
    that " proof " of his! ' Ivan Nikolayich burst out completely unexpectedly.
    'Ivan!' whispered Berlioz, embarrassed.
    But the suggestion to pack Kant off to an asylum not only did not
    surprise the stranger but actually delighted him. ' Exactly, exactly! ' he
    cried and his green left eye, turned on Berlioz glittered. ' That's exactly
    the place for him! I said to him myself that morning at breakfast: " If
    you'll forgive me, professor, your theory is no good. It may be clever but
    it's horribly incomprehensible. People will think you're mad." '
    Berlioz's eyes bulged. ' At breakfast ... to Kant? What is he rambling
    about? ' he thought.
    'But,' went on the foreigner, unperturbed by Berlioz's amazement and
    turning to the poet, ' sending him to Solovki is out of the question,
    because for over a hundred years now he has been somewhere far away from
    Solovki and I assure you that it is totally impossible to bring him back.'
    'What a pity!' said the impetuous poet."
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Vahnin said:

    "Descartes huffed and replied, "I think not!" and disappeared into thin air."



    Oops! It looks like I am the only person who hasn't uderstood Lynne's joke

    Descartes's famous saying was 'Cogito ergo sum' - I think therefore I am. This is a pun:
    "I think not" means of course "No, thanks," but also (in somewhat older English) "I don't think therefore I don't exist."

  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Vahnin said:

    so I conclude that it is possible for those who haven't read this book , right?

    Oh, no, the other way round. Read the passage I have quoted. :) :) :)
  • VahninVahnin Posts: 81 ✭✭
    > @Xanthippe said:
    > this book
    Oh! This masterpiece is my fave. There is an audio book M@M in my cell.
  • VahninVahnin Posts: 81 ✭✭
    > @Xanthippe said:
    > I think therefore I am.

    Oh my Goodness gracious! It was so simple! But I'd never guessed! Thanks for sharing.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @Xanthippe There are a number of philosophers who were well connected with mathematics and physics. It means that I can't be a philosopher ever in life. ;)

    On a serious note, every philosopher talked about the soul but still it is a mystery for many of them.
  • VahninVahnin Posts: 81 ✭✭
    @Bubbly , Where is your soul when you are sleeping?
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Vahnin, it is also available online: http://nashbulgakov.ru/mim_1_01.html

    − Но, позвольте вас спросить, − после тревожного раздумья спросил заграничный гость, − как же быть с доказательствами бытия божия, коих, как известно, существует ровно пять?

    − Увы! − с сожалением ответил Берлиоз, − ни одно из этих доказательств ничего не стоит, и человечество давно сдало их в архив. Ведь согласитесь, что в области разума никакого доказательства существования бога быть не может.

    − Браво! − вскричал иностранец, − браво! Вы полностью повторили мысль беспокойного старика Иммануила по этому поводу. Но вот курьез: он начисто разрушил все пять доказательств, а затем, как бы в насмешку над самим собою, соорудил собственное шестое доказательство!

    − Доказательство Канта, − тонко улыбнувшись, возразил образованный редактор, − также неубедительно. И недаром Шиллер говорил, что кантовские рассуждения по этому вопросу могут удовлетворить только рабов, а Штраус просто смеялся над этим доказательством.

    Берлиоз говорил, а сам в это время думал: "Но, все-таки, кто же он такой? И почему так хорошо говорит по-русски?»
    − Взять бы этого Канта, да за такие доказательства года на три в Соловки! − совершенно неожиданно бухнул Иван Николаевич.

    − Иван! − сконфузившись, шепнул Берлиоз.

    Но предложение отправить Канта в Соловки не только не поразило иностранца, но даже привело в восторг.

    − Именно, именно, − закричал он, и левый зеленый глаз его, обращенный к Берлиозу, засверкал, − ему там самое место! Ведь говорил я ему тогда за завтраком: "Вы, профессор, воля ваша, что-то нескладное придумали! Оно, может, и умно, но больно непонятно. Над вами потешаться будут".

    Берлиоз выпучил глаза. "За завтраком… Канту?.. Что это он плетет?" − подумал он.

    − Но, − продолжал иноземец, не смущаясь изумлением Берлиоза и обращаясь к поэту, − отправить его в Соловки невозможно по той причине, что он уже с лишком сто лет пребывает в местах значительно более отдаленных, чем Соловки, и извлечь его оттуда никоим образом нельзя, уверяю вас!
  • VahninVahnin Posts: 81 ✭✭
    What do these Cyrillic letters mean? I told about audiobook in noble English , not Barbarian.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @Xanthippe what happened to my eyes. All letters "N" are in opposite direction. :)
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Vahnin, why, on earth, do you think that the Cyrillic script is barbarian?!!! Well, in my opinion the original in any language is infinitely superior to the translation.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭

  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    LOL.


  • KhaliedKhalied EgyptPosts: 2,229 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.

    Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?"

    "That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."
  • KhaliedKhalied EgyptPosts: 2,229 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.
    "In a closet," he repied. "I wanted to know what life really is."
    "And have you found an answer?"
    "Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."
    "That's all well and good," replied the colleage, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"
    "Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."
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