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By all these lovely tokens
September days are here,
With summer’s best of weather
And autumn’s best of cheer.

Helen Hunt Jackson - September
The breezes taste
Of apple peel.
The air is full
Of smells to feel-
Ripe fruit, old footballs,
Burning brush,
New books, erasers,
Chalk, and such.
The bee, his hive,
Well-honeyed hum,
And Mother cuts
Chrysanthemums.
Like plates washed clean
With suds, the days
Are polished with
A morning haze.

John Updike, September
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Jokes about the law and lawyers.

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Comments

  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A little boy was in a cemetery with his mother “Mommy” the boy asked , “do they ever bury two people in the same grave?” “Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?” “The tombstone back there said, Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.”
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A young lawyer died and was brought to heaven. Upon arriving the lawyer started protesting that it’s way to early for him to day, for he was only 32 years old, and there must be some mistake. The listening angel agreed that perhaps it was a mistake and agreed to look into it. After a few minutes the angel came back and said “I’m sorry sir but I am afraid there is no mistake, we calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
    A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    In almost every case, you have to read between the lies. - Angie Papadakis
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A lawyer is a gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself. - Lord Brougham
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 9,477 mod
    “The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. ”

    Will Rogers
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @Lynne it means we all are potential lawyers. ;)
  • KhaliedKhalied EgyptPosts: 2,224 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A farmhand consulted a lawyer. He had long tended the late farmer's cows, and believed they would his when the farmer died. Now the farmer's son claimed ownership.
    "I'll take your case," said the lawyer, "Don't worry about the cows."
    The next day the farmer's son came in. The cows were raised on his land, he said, they should be his.
    "I'll take your case," said the lawyer, "Don't worry about the cows."
    Later, his secretary asked, "How can the cows belong to both?"
    "Don't worry about the cows," the lawyer said. "The cows will be ours."
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @filauzio @Xanthippe any experience with the lawyers? ;)
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,758 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @Xanthippe really interesting! Thanks for sharing it. :)
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @shasha96 nice one. :) Find out more before you enter into this profession. ;)
  • shasha96shasha96 Posts: 426 ✭✭✭
    @Bubbly aapi! thank you and hehe Yeah sure I should have know what people think about lawyers though I already know it. :D :p
  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 9,477 mod
    A vicar and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates, Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.

    "Vicar, here are the keys to one of our standard units," he said, and then turning to the lawyer, "And for you, sir, the keys to our finest penthouse suite."

    "That is unfair!" cried the vicar.

    "Listen," Saint Peter said, "vicars are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've ever seen."
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    LOL.


  • nuurussubchiynuurussubchiy Posts: 257 ✭✭
    the following joke is about 'a law'

    For every man action, there is a woman over-reaction
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    hahaha or vice versa! @nuurussubchiy
  • nuurussubchiynuurussubchiy Posts: 257 ✭✭
    > @Bubbly said:
    > hahaha or vice versa! @nuurussubchiy

    every woman over-action, there's a man reaction... i think you'r correct :p
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,058 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
  • nuurussubchiynuurussubchiy Posts: 257 ✭✭
    A plane has an engine trouble and the pilot instructed the flight attendances to sit the passengers down and be ready for an emergency landing.

    A few minutes later, the pilot asks to the flight attendance if everyone has sat down and be prepared.

    "All passengers have sat down and be prepared, Captain," she said, "except a lawyer that still hanging around and give his business ID card for everyone."
  • CatoCato Posts: 5
    How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?
    His lips start moving.
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