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"The April rain, the April rain,
Comes slanting down in fitful showers,
Then from the furrow shoots the grain,
And banks are fledged with nestling flowers;
And in grey shawl and woodland bowers
The cuckoo through the April rain
Calls once again."

Mathilde Blind, April Rain
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Do you have a joke?

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Comments

  • nontannontan Posts: 201 ✭✭
    > @Paulette said:
    > @nontan I think that it has something to do with chemistry because H2O2 is a chemical product that is highly flammable and is also used in the medical world as bactericidal to anaerobic microorganisms. And in English if you say "too" then it can sound like "two".

    > @Practical_Severard said:
    > > @Paulette said:
    > > @nontan I think that it has something to do with chemistry because H2O2 is a chemical product that is highly flammable and is also used in the medical world as bactericidal to anaerobic microorganisms. And in English if you say "too" then it can sound like "two".
    >
    > In British English a "chemist" is a person who works in a drugstore e.g. sells medicines. H2O2 is also known is "hydrogen peroxide" which was used before for desinfecting wounds. Maybe, the word "chemist" adds some humour for the industry's insiders.

    I got it!
    Thank you again.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 910 ✭✭✭
    A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells him that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

    The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys of his brand new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

    The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

    The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, the Chinese man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

    The Chinese man replies: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 910 ✭✭✭
    Psychotherapist: Why did you try that suicide?
    Patient: I was so bored with life, doctor!
    Psychotherapist: so why did you think that a suicide might have entertained you?
  • lisalisa Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭
    @Bubbly so so so funny
  • lisalisa Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭
    last friday I bought some bottles of water for my husband, and told him: this kind of water is very good, a bit sweety when you drink it. He looked at me very serious and said: Because you bought the water for me, it tastes sweety?
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 910 ✭✭✭
    edited November 2017
    Father: when I was at your age now, I didn't lie to people, mate!
    Son: That's becoming intriguing, Dad. When did you start then?
  • JessikJessik Posts: 19 ✭✭
    > @Dora said:
    >

    aaaa cool !
  • JessikJessik Posts: 19 ✭✭
    > @Bubbly said:
    > @moath I couldn't get the last one. :)

    cool
  • takafromtokyotakafromtokyo Posts: 2,592 ✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard
    Haha.. father...
    That was a good one! ψ(`∇´)ψ
  • younusvyounusv Posts: 39 ✭✭
    second language

    A family of mice was surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language.
  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 11,128 mod
    At a visit of the doctor, he told me I had a dual personality. Then he asks me to pay 80 dollar, so I give him 40 bucks and say, "You can get the other 40 bucks from the other guy.”
  • Ahmed_haqAhmed_haq Posts: 20 ✭✭
    Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
    Boy: What are the two things?
    Girl: Your feet.
  • takafromtokyotakafromtokyo Posts: 2,592 ✭✭✭✭
    @Ahmed_haq
    Hehe! ψ(`∇´)ψ I love that one!

    We can apply the pattern to many other situations to create a new joke.

    Me: I really love to sing!
    Wife: Oh, but you can be a better singer if you can get rid of just one little thing.
    Me: What’s that?
    Wife: Your voice.
  • Ahmed_haqAhmed_haq Posts: 20 ✭✭
    @takafromtokyo AWESOME
  • takafromtokyotakafromtokyo Posts: 2,592 ✭✭✭✭
    @Ahmed_haq
    Haha! Thanks! But it’s your joke!!
    ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ノ"
  • Ahmed_haqAhmed_haq Posts: 20 ✭✭
    edited November 2017
    @takafromtokyo
    No, it is not.
    It was said by someone and I just copied it.
    It seems I have been infringe upon copyrights. I am sorry to do so. :)
  • takafromtokyotakafromtokyo Posts: 2,592 ✭✭✭✭
    @Ahmed_haq
    Haha, don’t worry about copyright. We’re just sharing what we thought was funny. It’s just a joke.
  • lisalisa Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭
    There is a joke about the winter in north and south areas of China.

    I am a wolf from the north area of China, but now I become a poor dog in south area of China because of the coldness. There is not any heating system in south area of China, they have to tolerate the coldness by their strong perseverance, which is the main reason they can keep slim, in my mind :p .
  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 11,128 mod
    What is the difference between a teacher and a dentist?
    A teacher says, close your mouth and the dentist says, open your mouth.
  • lisalisa Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭
    @Paulette hahaha
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 6,749 mod
    Paulette said:

    What is the difference between a teacher and a dentist?
    A teacher says, close your mouth and the dentist says, open your mouth.

    Very funny, and very true. Although I personally think teachers should say open your mouth, too, as children should be able to share their views freely.
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 787 ✭✭✭
    edited November 2017
    > @GemmaRowlands said:
    > Very funny, and very true. Although I personally think teachers should say open your mouth, too, as children should be able to share their views freely.

    I can't bear If kids open mouth, In my family there are four kids are there. They will do only two things either they are laughing or they are sobbing at the same time. :)
  • VokVok Posts: 555 ✭✭✭
    The other day I came across this one and I believe it doesn't work in any other languages apart from English:

    I googled "how to start a wildlife".
    I got 56800 matches.
  • lisalisa Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭
    There was a joke recently in China which is about the coldness and heating system:

    The equipments of electricity of Taiwan is working under their philanthropic activities.

    The heating system of mainland is working in people's dreams.

    PS: Before lots of places in the North of China are forbidden to use coal, and lots of heating equipments have been changed into gas ones, but there is enough gas which is too expensive for residents, the realted pipes have not fixed yet.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 6,749 mod
    Dora said:


    Beauty!


    That joke just made me laugh out loud. I liked it. I will share it with some of my friends on social media if you don't mind.
  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 11,128 mod
    edited December 2017
    A couple passes by a boy and a girl who kiss each other passionately on a bench in the park.
    "Why don't you do that now?" says the woman to her husband.
    "But why do you want me to do that, I don't know that girl ..."
  • lisalisa Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭
    > @Paulette said:
    > A couple passes by a boy and a girl who kiss each other passionately on a bench in the park.
    > "Why don't you do that now?" says the woman to her husband.
    > "But why do you want me to do that, I don't know that girl ..."

    He will die when they return home, I am quite sure about it,hahaha
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 6,749 mod
    Paulette said:

    A couple passes by a boy and a girl who kiss each other passionately on a bench in the park.
    "Why don't you do that now?" says the woman to her husband.
    "But why do you want me to do that, I don't know that girl ..."

    Ha ha, very funny. I think his wife would have been very unhappy if he did walk up to the girl and kiss her!
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