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"Still lie the sheltering snows, undimmed and white;
And reigns the winter's pregnant silence still;
No sign of spring, save that the catkins fill,
And willow stems grow daily red and bright.
These are days when ancients held a rite
Of expiation for the old year's ill,
And prayer to purify the new year's will."
Helen Hunt Jackson, A Calendar of Sonnet's: February
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Animal jokes

LynneLynne Your TeacherHomePosts: 8,631 mod
edited February 2015 in Humour
See if you can fill in the final word in the punchline:-

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it, it was a ------

shitzu
.
Post edited by Lynne on
«1345

Comments

  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 8,631 mod
    2013-12-13

    Here's Friday's joke:-

    One day a parrot flew into a grocers. He strolled up to the counter, hopped onto it, and said to the shop assistant, "Got any grapes?"

    Surprised, the shop assistant said, "No", and the parrot smiled and flew out.

    A little while later the parrot returned and asked "Got any grapes?" The assistant replied "No! I told you 15 minutes ago, we don't have any grapes!"

    The parrot smiled and once again flew out of the shop.

    Ten minutes later, the parrot returned, hopped onto the counter and asked once again "Got any grapes?"

    By now the assistant was exasperated, and he shouted at the parrot, "No! We didn't have any grapes, we don't have any grapes and we're not going to have any grapes! If you come back in here again, I'm going to nail your feet to the counter!"

    The parrot smiled and flew out.

    But the next day the parrot returned and asked, "Got any nails?" The assistant screamed, "NO!". The parrot smiled and replied "Good. Got any grapes?"
  • HeknerHekner Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭✭✭
    :D
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    Oh dear!
  • aprilapril Moderator Posts: 9,772 mod
    edited December 2013
    Why did that parrot need grapes?
  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 8,631 mod
    You always ask the most pertinent question @April. I guess he just fancied a grape.
  • aprilapril Moderator Posts: 9,772 mod
    Sorry @Lynne. X_X
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    I bet the shopkeeper will make sure he has got nails handy next time the parrot flies in!
  • HelvioHelvio Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭✭✭
    The best of:

    An eagle was sitting high in a tree. He wasn't doing anything, just resting.

    A rabbit was hopping past the tree, when he looked up and saw the eagle. So, he asked him, 'Mr Eagle, can I sit and relax like you and do nothing?'

    The eagle answered: 'Sure you can Mr Rabbit. I don't see why not.'

    So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested.

    All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


    If you want to sit around and do nothing, you should be sitting very, very high up.
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    ... so the eagle didn't see the fox? (I thought the eagle was going to swoop down and get the rabbit).

    I'm sorry but I don't get it!
  • HelvioHelvio Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭✭✭
    If the eagle saw the fox it didn't tell the rabbit!!
    But I think that there is a partnership between the eagle and the fox.
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    But why should the eagle help the fox? The eagle potentially might eat the fox, or at the very least is a rival. I still don't get it. :-(
  • HelvioHelvio Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I do not think cool to be talking about the private life of the eagle. [-(
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    I agree @Helvio. That the eagle should stoop to even talk to a mere rabbit surprises me.
  • HelvioHelvio Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2013
    Even if she does not know the fox and the rabbit either, I think she was seeing both, and resolved to stay watching to see what would happen. I think she was brit, definetly!
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    No, no, no. Most definitely a Yankee eagle. CIA for sure.
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    edited March 2014
    A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

    The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

    At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol . . . . . . Dead . The second worm in cigarette smoke . . .Dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead.

    Fourth worm in good clean soil . . .Alive.

    So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

    Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .

    "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't get worms!"
    Post edited by Lynne on
  • HelvioHelvio Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭✭✭
    =))
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    I mean, the eagle definitely sold out on the poor rabbit.
  • HelvioHelvio Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Yes, as you said it was a Yankee eagle. :))
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    Well, it goes without saying... But they're not all bad :-)

  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 8,631 mod
    This discussion was created from comments split from: Pet jokes.
  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 8,631 mod
    I do wonder whether @Mheredge and @Amatsutherapy actually clicked on the spoiler alert. I thought it was very funny @Helvio.
  • HelvioHelvio Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭✭✭
    It is a teaching for life @Lynne!

    :))

    And the Joke is really fun. =))
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    Didn't even notice it till you pointed it out @Lynne. Oh well!
  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 8,631 mod
    edited February 2014
    A hunter was returning home for the day carrying a sack.

    A farmer saw him and asked, "What have you got in that sack?"

    The hunter replied, "Rabbits."

    "Ooh", said the farmer, "If I can guess how many rabbits are in your sack, can I have one?"

    "If you can guess how many rabbits I've got in this sack," replied the hunter, "you can have them both."
  • science24science24 Posts: 970 ✭✭✭✭✭
    what a generous hunter, =))
  • aprilapril Moderator Posts: 9,772 mod
    I know, I know, I know how many!
    May I have both rabbits? :))
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    Durrrr. What a simple farmer! :((
  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 8,631 mod
    I disagree @Mheredge, I think the hunter is a bit "Duh".
  • mheredgemheredge Wordsmith Here and therePosts: 24,065 mod
    Whoops @Lynne! I meant the hunter.
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