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By all these lovely tokens
September days are here,
With summer’s best of weather
And autumn’s best of cheer.

Helen Hunt Jackson - September
The breezes taste
Of apple peel.
The air is full
Of smells to feel-
Ripe fruit, old footballs,
Burning brush,
New books, erasers,
Chalk, and such.
The bee, his hive,
Well-honeyed hum,
And Mother cuts
Like plates washed clean
With suds, the days
Are polished with
A morning haze.

John Updike, September
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Halloween Jokes

LynneLynne Your TeacherHomePosts: 9,477 mod
edited October 2014 in Humour
Q. What do birds say at Halloween?
A. Twick or tweet!

Q. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
A. MaliBOO!

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton laugh?
A. Because he lost his funny bone.

Q. Why couldn't Dracula play baseball?
A. Because he lost his bat.

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-ade!

Q. How do phantoms travel?
A. Ghost to ghost.

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwitch.

Q. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?
A. Ball games.

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away the W.

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A. A scare centre!

Q. What flies around the school playground at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the library?
A. He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!

Q. What do you call a nervous witch?
A. A twitch.

Q. Who did Dracula take to the movies?
A. His GHOUL friend.

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. What did the skeleton say before a meal?
A. Bone appetite!

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. What kind of streets do zombies live on?
A. Dead-ends.

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?
A. Scream and sugar?

(From @mukeshthebest‌.)

Q. Where do zombies like to go swimming?
A. The dead sea.

(From @Aladdin.)
Post edited by Lynne on


  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 27,014 mod
    Not a joke, but do you know why Ethiopia doesn't celebrate Halloween? Well, it seems that they only have 30 days to each month (a thirteenth month apparently makes up the missing days - short month). (As reported by a friend who's in Ethiopia right now).
  • SLBSLB Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭✭
    Interesting, a country that uses a different calendar!
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 27,014 mod
    Didn't you know that in Nepal @SLB, and to a lesser degree in India, that there are different calendars there too?
  • SLBSLB Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭✭
    No, @mheredge‌ I had no idea. Tell me more.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 27,014 mod
    Have a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_calendars @SLB. There are lots of calendars used all around the world.
This discussion has been closed.