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Immortal Alps look down --
Whose bonnets touch the firmament --
Whose sandals touch the town --

Meek at whose everlasting feet
A myriad daisy play --
Which, Sir, are you and which am I
Upon an August day?

Emily Dickinson
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Dumb blonde (a.k.a. Essex girl) jokes

mheredgemheredge TeacherHere and therePosts: 26,513 mod
A few dumb blonde jokes that could just as well be jokes about Essex girls (I'm from Essex but I'm brunette!)


Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? A: She sticks it in the microwave!

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm sooooo drunk!"

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails? A: To hide the valve stem!

Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted!

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved.

Q: Why don't blondes get coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.

Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.
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Comments

  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 9,393 mod
    edited August 2014
    You could substitute any word(s) for blonde - including Essex girl(s). :trollface:

  • komikomi Posts: 421 ✭✭✭
    Hi @mheredge‌ . That is so harshly.
    When I read some of jokes again... ?
    Maybe it is not. :#
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405 mod
    Only gingers get a harder time @komi‌
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 26,513 mod
    Well, they say blonds are dumb @komi, but then again, at the same time, they often seem to live charmed lives!

    I'm VERY glad I'm a brunette Essex girl though.
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405 mod
    edited August 2014
    But @mheredge - most of the blondes in Essex were born brunettes too !
  • SLBSLB Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭✭
    I have just googled "gingers" (wasn't sure about this meaning)... and ROFL
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 26,513 mod
    edited August 2014
    I don't count mousey haired as brunette @pryfllwyd‌, but yes, a lot of blondes aren't natural. There are probably a lot more Scandinavians who are natural blondes.

    Did you try googling ROFL @SillyLittleBleeder‌? ROFL is an internet acronym for Rolling On Floor Laughing. Have a look at http://www.learnenglish.de/abbreviations.html for more of the same.

    Similarly, if you google 'gingers' you can see that it is colloquial term. It's used to describe a human, characterized by pale skin, freckles and bright red hair. "Gingers" are generally considered to be inferior to their more melanin-rich brethren, and thus discriminated against. Gingers are thought to have no souls.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ginger
    Post edited by Lynne on
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405 mod
    Actually @mheredge I almost didn't mention gingers - I really wouldn't want to be one in school today - it's got really nasty in some cases - I believe there have even been suicide reports.

    and yes of course I know ROFL

    - TTFN
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 26,513 mod
    I don't know why they get so much flack, red hair looks very fetching, don't you think?
  • SLBSLB Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭✭
    @mheredge‌ I meant I googled "gingers" and after seeing some photos with captions I ROFLed. I didn't know their situation was that bad, because I do agree with you: redhair looks absolutely wicked! (as long as it's clearly natural red hair)
    BTW, what on earth is a "Brunette" then? I thought it just meant "brown-haired", but you just said you don't count some brown-haired people as brunettes, so what is it actually?
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 26,513 mod
    Mousey colour @SillyLittleBleeder‌, is that rather pale brownish colour which I wouldn't call brunette. Have a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mouse#mediaviewer/File:Мышь_2.jpg

    But I suppose they always have the advantage in that they can more easily colour their hair either blonde, or go darker to become brunette!
  • SLBSLB Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭✭
    I see. I was thinking it had to do with mousse.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 26,513 mod
    More to do with the colour of a mouse @SillyLittleBleeder‌! But I suppose they could always put mousse in their hair to make it stand up on end.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 444 ✭✭✭
    I've translated a joke. Has the humour survived?


    A girl to her boyfrend in a date: "I want you to abuse me in bed!"
    "Err..., Okay... Your bedclothes could be cleaner for girl's ones!"
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 26,513 mod
    Essex girl jokes are rather crude @Practical_Severard.

    I'm not sure though, a girl would normally ask her boyfriend to abuse her. This has the sense of treating her badly.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 444 ✭✭✭
    > @mheredge said:
    > Essex girl jokes are rather crude Practical_Severard.
    >
    > I'm not sure though, a girl would normally ask her boyfriend to abuse her. This has the sense of treating her badly.

    The joke has nothing to do with Essex girls, but it has much in common with the jokes about them. At least, the crudeness :smile: On the other hand, I don't know how to start threads here.

    The girl asking for abuse wanted some BDSM, what I tried to express with the word 'abuse'. Have I succeeded? BDSM seems to be a hot trend today.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 26,513 mod
    The movie The Grey had a oot to do with this I believe @Practical_Severard though it's a subject that I'm happy not being very familiar with!
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    wow!!
    @mheredge
    i hope nobody feelings get hurt, but why did you choose this subject specifically?
  • RomanRoman Posts: 493 ✭✭✭
    A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"

    She says, "My mom died."

    He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."

    Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"

    She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 337 ✭✭✭
    Boy: Dad I want to marry

    Dad: first say sorry to me

    B: but why? Without any mistake of mine

    D: Yes

    B: I am sorry

    D: Now you are ready, you can go ahead....
  • RomanRoman Posts: 493 ✭✭✭
    @mheredge , for your collection of Blonde jokes:

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
    The blonde cop asked to see the blode driver's license.
    She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
    "What does it look like? she finally asked.
    The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it".
    The driver finally found a square mirror on the purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is" she said.
    The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed ir back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too..."
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 444 ✭✭✭
    > @mheredge said:
    > The movie The Grey had a oot to do with this I believe Practical_Severard though it's a subject that I'm happy not being very familiar with!

    Yes, I suppose so, but, please, no hard feeling, the joke is about another girl, most probably, a Russian one, since I've translated the joke from Russian.
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