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There is wind where the rose was,
Cold rain where sweet grass was,
And clouds like sheep
Stream o'er the steep
Grey skies where the lark was.

Nought warm where your hand was,
Nought gold where your hair was,
But phantom, forlorn,
Beneath the thorn,
Your ghost where your face was.

Cold wind where your voice was,
Tears, tears where my heart was,
And ever with me,
Child, ever with me,
Silence where hope was.

November by Walter de la Mare
Don't forget to check the calendar(s) for session times. Sessions are held on different platforms, so be sure to find out where the session will take place:-

Speaking Practice

LEN English sessions:-
http://www.learnenglish.de/calendar/learnenglishcalendar.html

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English radio playlists:-
http://www.englishradio.be/musicevents/calendar.html

Best Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
edited August 2014 in Humour
Here's the winner: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

and the runners up

1. “I've decided to sell my Hoover ... well, it was just collecting dust”

2. “I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set”

3. “Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief”

4. “I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s”

5. “I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me”

6. “Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal”

7. “Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying”

=8. “I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame 'cause halfway through he disappears up his own a***hole”

=8. “I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven” .

10. “This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it”
Post edited by Lynne on

Comments

  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 28,171 mod
    edited August 2014
    Hahaha! Great stuff @pryfllwyd‌. I don't know who Michael Gove is, but can imagine what he's like. :D
    Post edited by pryfllwyd on
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    edited August 2014
    He's actually worse than anyone I've ever known before @mheredge - in that sense the joke's not that funny.
    Post edited by pryfllwyd on
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    edited August 2014
    @‌mheredge

    What's the difference between Michael Gove and a plastic surgeon.

    Well, one one of then tucks features ...
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    and more

    "I'm sure wherever my dad is he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    “I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know why.”
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    and now for a collective wince ...

    "People who like trance music are very persistent. They don't techno for an answer."
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    "I got involved with an animal charity recently and adopted a whale and a monkey, which is all very well, but sooner or later, I'm gonna have to be the one who has to explain to them why they don't look like each other."
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    edited August 2014
    I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
    He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 28,171 mod
    Groan @pryfllwyd‌. You sound just like my Uncle Dennis at Christmas!
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    Sorry @mheredge - all the good ones have been censored
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 28,171 mod
    It's okay @pryfllwyd‌, I heard enough blue jokes to last several lifetimes when I was studying at a girls' school.
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    Actually you were named on one joke @‌mheredge

    The others are there for a different purpose
  • LynneLynne Your Teacher HomePosts: 9,594 mod
    Thanks @pryfllwyd‌. We enjoyed an evening of comedy in Kitely last night. I have to say though, every single joke needed to be explained. :dizzy_face:
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
    Taking jokes apart is easy @lynne - but you can never put them back together again - they're just not funny any more.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 28,171 mod
    What were you saying about me behind my back @pryfllwyd‌. Remember, I'm a brunette, not a blonde. (But my first boyfriend, when I was about 6, was from Essex, was blonde and was called Kevin).
  • pryfllwydpryfllwyd The AnthropocenePosts: 1,405
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 28,171 mod
    Say no more @pryfllwyd‌ ;)
This discussion has been closed.